Memorial Day and Other Nonsense Ramblings

For the first time since Jeff and I relocated we actually celebrated a holiday with our friends.   Normally we would either visit my parents or if he had to work, we stayed home and it wasn’t much different from any other day.  But this year we celebrated!  We spent an enjoyable afternoon visiting and eating and going from sitting outside to sitting inside while it rained then back to sitting outside.  I can’t really complain except that the homemade ice cream didn’t set up so that was a bust.

     One of the families that are our friends have an 18 month old daughter and are expecting their second anytime.  Their oldest, Adi, is just as cute as a button and it is always a joy to see her, but there is always a hint of sadness mixed in as probably many PAPs can understand.  She played in Baby G’s room today and I actually had to go in and straighten it up after they left, not that they left a mess, just restoring it to its normal state.  It felt nice to see that the room had been played in and enjoyed by a child, it made the room feel less empty and desolate.  I walked with Adi down our hallway, which is almost as long as a bowling lane and the quick little pad pad pad of her bare feet on the wood floor is a sound I hadn’t really realized had been missing.  Well, some days are harder and some are easier.  We are just waiting to hear something and that is okay, but if someone had said three years ago that we would still be waiting for our first Baby G, I would have thought they were crazy and told them so.  The Gobble Family has a poem posted on their blog called “Wait” and while I won’t post it here, if you are waiting as we are I highly recommend reading it.

     Sometimes, I think to myself, why is this taking so long and I am ready now, don’t delay!  But other times I find myself thinking am I ready?  Are we ready?  maybe it is okay that we have all this time and we should be taking more advantage of it.  While still at other times I think, what if we just stayed the two of us?

     I ran across an ad the other day on craigslist that was looking for women to donate their eggs and so I clicked on the link to see and it was going to pay $5000 for each harvest, and I thought WOW! that is even better than donating plasma!  LOL!  Only the max age was 30 years.  I am going to be 32 this September, I guess my eggs are too old!  I never really thought I was that old, but I guess it isn’t too far off, according to a nurse friend of mine you are a high risk pregnancy if you are 35 or older, hmmmm, that oughta make any momma to be feel good!  

     I am really just typing these thoughts as they come into my head with no rhyme or reason.

     My mom came to visit this weekend and we went shopping at some baby stores.  Didn’t buy anything for our Baby G, we actually bought a baby gift for my brother to give to his friend and wife.  They are the proud new parents of a bouncing baby boy.  It was fun to wander around and look.  Two of the stores we visited were boutiques, but the third was Baby’s R Us, which is an exciting thing here because they finally put one in with the Toys R Us.  It isn’t quite as impressive as the one up in Chesterfield Valley that I have been to, but it is way better than not having one at all!  Not to mention that now we can get stuff bought online shipped to the store.  Well, I guess I am going to quit rambling for now!  Happy Memorial Day, may we never forget why we are free!

Poison Invasion

The mother vine!  Jeff couldn't believe it had its own branches!

The "original" vine from the beginning of the world!

Another shot of the mother vine.

Well, I don't really have anything new to report on the adoption front, but I thought that it was time for an update on other things!  Our camping trip that I wrote of in my last post was literally a washout so nothing to tell there.  The most spectacular thing going on right now is our battle to stop the invasion of the killer poison ivy.  It has earned that name because I HATE it.  I had ran into a patch of it last year while I was picking gooseberries which grow wild and abundantly in the woods surrounding our house.  I was so immersed in picking that I don't even know where it was that I got it.  Now, that I know that we have some on our property I am a little more wary and try to keep my eye out for it.  Well, as it turns out it is nearing gooseberry time again and I have been keeping a close eye on some of my closer plants so I know when I should start picking them.  Being that they are in the woods and the woods have ticks (another evil of nature!) I decided that I would cut some paths near some of the plants that are on the edge of the woods so I could keep a close eye on them without having to spray with deep woods off everytime.  So I begin to mow and as I am mowing an area I look around and notice pretty green leaves of three.  At first I thought oh they are just some other kind of brush plant, but then I realized they were getting bigger and looked nothing like the plant I thought they were.  I ran in the house and got on the internet, to double check my suspicions and correct I was!  Not only was there a little poison ivy, but it was rapidly taking over, then I noticed a vine that I had never really looked at climbing a tree in our yard and realized it was the mother of all poison ivy.  Thankfully, I have not gotten the oils on my skin, but I did take some precautionary measures and ran in the house and washed any exposed skin off with my Bert's Bees Poison Ivy soap, I wasn't taking any chances!  We have since bought Roundup poison ivy killer and Jeff went on the offensive, killing (hopefully) the ivy we had found, unfortunately as we became further enmeshed in our offensive we found more and more!  If I had found the mother of all poison ivy vines, today we discovered the original poison ivy vine that God put here during creation!  Jeff didn't even think that it was poison ivy at first, stating, "it has no branches, I don't think it is poison ivy."  The problem was he didn't look high enough up the tree!  Normally I would just let nature be, but with a dog that runs in the woods indiscriminately and I being allergic to it, poison ivy MUST go!  

Anchor's Away!

Well, our paperwork is officially gone.  As of today we are waiting!  I am excited and apprehensive and to be quite frank I don't know what to do with myself now that I have all this free time!!  Hopefully we won't have much to post in the way of the adoption until we get picked, but that is not to say I won't entertain my fellow bloggers and readers with our adventures while we wait.  We have a lot of plans for the coming weeks/months.  In a couple of weeks we are going to go camping. We haven't settled on a place yet, but we do have it narrowed down to two places which are the Buffalo River OR Taum Sauk either one offers great hiking.  We are also planning on installing a fireplace in our living room, we still have a little while for that, but it will probably be rather tumultuous when we do it.  Couple that with helping plan my mother and father-in-law's 50th anniversary party, create a scrapbook for them as a gift, mother's day, my brother's b-day and graduation (MA) and anything else that crops up I should have plenty to write about!!  Here's to hoping the time goes by quickly and we hear something soon!

Going in Baby G's Room

     Well, it hasn't been quite as long as I thought since my last post!  That being said we have been pretty busy.  I took some time away from the blog world for a awhile because I didn't know what else to write and I couldn't bear to read others blogs.  I have also been swamped with paper chasing and a much needed vacation.  We are officially nearing the end of our paper chase now just a few more pieces and we can say that we are back to waiting.  We are going domestic, in case I didn't mention that before.  We are going with Mercy Ministries, which is actually a home for young ladies that are struggle to get out difficult situations. They have an adoption agency to assist in placing babies that are born to mothers in their programs that choose to adopt them out.  We don't know how long the wait will be because it depends on the birth mother picking us, but we are hopeful.  That being said we went into baby G's room for something other than cleaning.  We had quit going in it as the wait became longer and longer with our Kaz adoption and totally avoided it when that adoption collapsed. But, I have been so full of hope and renewed excitement that I had to go in there and start dreaming again.  We are not so eager that we are ready to run out an buy things or even really look at baby things, that will wait until we have been picked and maybe even until it is finalized, but for now there are some finishing touches that need to be made to the room BEFORE we bring a baby home and we are ready to tackle those.

     On another note, since we weren't travelling to Kaz we decided to take a much needed vacation.  So at the end of February we went on a short 3-night cruise to the Bahamas.  It was so relaxing and gave Jeff and I a chance to get away and reconnect after the tumultuous weeks prior.  The weather was beautiful and we got good and sunburnt, something that doesn't happen to us Missourians in February!  

Me snorkeling, the weather was beautiful and so was the reef and the fish, but boy was the water cold!

Jeff and I after Snorkeling in Nassau, Bahamas.

Jeff walking on the Beach at Coco Cay Island, the cruiseline's private island.

Jeff and I on the deck of the ship as we departed Port of Miami.

The End of One Journey and a New Beginning

Well, it has been almost two months since I last blogged, but now it is time to give an update. About four weeks ago I sent our agency a letter asking about our paperwork and information I had received about another of their PAPs paperwork not being where it was supposed to be and there being no record of it ever having gotten there in the first place.  I just wanted to know what was going on and why our paperwork has not moved.  They sent me a response that denied knowing about this other PAP and told me in a round about way that I should pay attention to their weekly updates, which I read religiously.  Then they went on to give me hope that it was possible that our paperwork was much further along than we suspected and it was possible that we could just get a call to travel one day and never know when we reached the MOE or had a region assignment.  Two working days later we received a cryptic email simply stating that they had information regarding our paperwork and we needed to set up a time to speak on the phone about our dossier.  TWO DAYS!!  Right after you give us this hope... Well we finally connected with them to learn something so shocking I was at a loss for words.  Our paperwork NEVER made it to the MFA where we were told it was.  WHAT!  You mean for the last 8 months when we thought it was at the MFA and they kept reassuring us it was there and leaning on the slow down in Kaz as the reason, that it had never left the Consulate!  Deja Vu, this sounds a lot like the other PAP that I had heard about and they deny knowing about....

Well, that is our story, but it is not the end.  After we got off the phone with our agency we decided on our new course of action.  We couldn't go back to Kaz right now, it was just too painful and the emotions were still raw.  We had, at one time, considered getting on a list for a domestic adoption, but were dissuaded from doing so.  Now, well, now we felt free to pursue this option.  So, we set the wheels in motion for that course.  My heart hurts for that child we would have met in Kaz and I still see the face of a brown haired brown eyed child, just beautiful, but not to be.  We feel misused, misguided and basically lied to.  Thankfully, our trust is in the Lord and not in the agency WE chose to work His miracle.  Everything doesn't happen for a reason, we as humans still have free will and even the best plans go astray, but God works for the good of those that trust in Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Post Christmas and the New Year

Okay, so if I was a good blogger I would have added probably five posts in the time between this post and the previous post, but I am not a good blogger.  On the upside anyone reading to follow the adoption hasn't missed anything because there is nothing to report.  Our paperwork is updated and everything is now in the unending holding pattern that we seem to be in.  On an upbeat note, we bought a snowsuit for our Baby G in the hope that we get to travel before winter is up.  We have been putting off buying one because we won't need it if we travel in the summer months.  Here's hope.  

Thanksgiving came and went without much to speak of.  I fixed the turkey for Jeff's family's Thanksgiving.  I have a family recipe that I use and my mother-in-law knew it.  However, she misinterpreted it to be a GERMAN family recipe (I am a good deal German, my mother was a Juedemann and my father is a Wehmeyer)  I had everyone asking me how I "made a German turkey, did I stuff it with saurkraut?"  After clearing that up everyone seemed to really like the turkey, the white meat was so juicy.  I would pass along the recipe, but then I would have to kill you!!  LOL!  After Thanksgiving everything switched into high gear and I was off to the races gearing up for Christmas.  

Christmas...Was fun, nice, full.  We did not spend our time sad over the fact that one more Christmas has gone by without our Baby G.  Instead we looked forward  to the hope that next year we would share our love, traditions and excitement with our little one.  We went to our usual Christmas tree farm to get a tree and it was pretty slim pickings, but we decided that we would rather have a crooked bare tree (it wasn't Charlie Brown bare) and support our local tree farm to ensure that it will be there to share with our little one than to go find a perfect tree at a tree lot.  So our tree leaned a little, but it had character!  For Christmas every year I get an ornament for our tree for both Jeff and I that I think is representative of our year.  This year's was a Hallmark ornament shaped like a tear drop with a clear star hanging in the middle and the town of Bethlehem nestled in the bottom, but it was the words that were on it and the box that really won me over.  Inscribed on the ornament was the phrase, "Hope shines bright."  On the box was written:

"The world was dark, a place of uncertainty, waiting for an unknown future.  But in the extraordinary glow of the star over Bethlehem, heralding the arrival of the Light of the World, hope shines bright, as the future is forever changed."

Thank God for Christmas and the hope that it gives to this world through Jesus, but also for those that are one this journey of adoption along with us, thank God that hope shines bright and that someday we will have our own small Christmas miracle that will change our futures forever! 

Happy New Year!

Updating and everything in between

Well, here we are in November, I just can't believe the time flies by so fast.  Our paperwork is still somewhere in the sea of Kazakhstan.  I am beginning to think that someone spilled coffee on it and just threw it away, but then I read others blogs who were registered at the MFA around the same time and their paperwork hasn't moved either.  I realize that right now I could blame my agency, but that wouldn't really be fair since the paperwork is out of their hands, I could get frustrated at the process, but what good would that do me, I entered this process knowing that no matter how stable a process may be, it is ever changing in the world of international adoption.  Some days I don't want to read other blogs because I just don't think that I can bear to hear that they have a region assignment or that they are going to meet their child, but then I read them anyway and think someday that will be Jeff and I!  Ours prayers are fervent as we pour out our longing to have our child in our home.  There is a plan, THERE IS A PLAN!  Things will come together and when they do we will have a better, deeper understanding of this journey that we are on and we will be better equipped to face challenges in the future.  Things are bright and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there are just a few curves to go through that are blocking the end.

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."  Lamentations 3:25-26